A Format of Sorts
by Vii Zee
Summary: Set after the wedding. Sophie will do anything in her power to try and forget Sian. Two-part fic.
1. Chapter 1

Ever since she met Jacob, she's stopped caring. About school, about her parents, about everything in general. She didn't really give two fucks anymore. Maybe she gave a fuck before Jacob, but after The Incident, everything seemed half heartedly done. Now, she just wasn't doing it.

She looked at Jacob as he started to fill the syringe and turned his eyes to her. "You've never tried this before, 'ave you luv?" he grinned at her, tightening the string around his arm, right above where he was soon to inject himself. "You wanna?"

"Nah…" she mumbled almost reluctantly.

"Come on! It'll help you forget what ever's got you down! Is it a lad?" The grin on his face didn't leave his features, and he gave a slow, lazy wink.

"A bird, actually," she corrected. That was something she didn't care about anymore, what people thought of her. So what if she was a lesbian, nobody really mattered much anymore, anyways.

"Break your heart?"

"Into tiny little pieces."

He held the needle out to her, careful to keep it at a safe distance from her body, but close enough for her to grab it. "You sure, mate? It could really help you forget, y'know? If for just a bit…"

She suppressed a groan and shook her head. "Nah, Jake, I can't."

But somehow, five minutes later, she found herself with a torniquette being tied around her arm and a needle slowly piercing her skin. She took a sharp intake of breath, and then, moments later (it couldn't have been that short a moment longer…could it?) her mind started to go blank-

But still, somehow, she could remember the most important things…

There she was, the day she first met Sian and their eyes connected  
>And then again, on the day that she realized that she wasn't jealous of Sian, but of Ryan.<br>Then on the day they kissed for the first time  
>A few days later, when they kissed for the second time, in her grandfather's workshop with the smell of the sofa rich in her nose and the feeling of Sian's hand cupping the back of her head still intact<br>When they went to choir practice, their fingers intertwined the whole time  
>The first time they slept together, in her bed, the feel of Sian's fingers on her skin burning a hole through her memories and right through her present skin<br>The day of their wedding, how beautiful she had looked, how amazing she had been, how sad she had looked…

When she opened her eyes again, when the fog had lifted and she could see and think clearly again, she was on Jacob's sofa, he was passed out on the floor next to her, and lying on top of her was a very pretty blonde…

But she wasn't Sian.

Groaning, Sophie rolled out from under the girl, who was half naked, and looked down at her own body. She was in a very similar state of undress, and she put a hand to her head, trying to remember what had happened. A fumbling of hands, a rustling of clothes, heavy breathing…

She looked down at the blonde and narrowed her eyes. Maybe to her highly intoxicated brain, she had looked like Sian to her, but right now she looked nothing like her.

She walked away from the sofa, towards the bathroom, and leaned against the cold tiled wall when she had locked herself in.

Why was it that her mind had formatted out last night…but couldn't get rid of some of the more important parts? The parts she wanted to forget?

(Or maybe she just didn't want to forget at all…)

She shook the quiet thought out of her head and turned to the sink, making to wash her face with enough cold water to maybe wake her senses and addled brain up, and decided that she would try as hard as she could to forget…

Even if it meant trying out as many different methods as she could.


	2. Chapter 2

It was always the same. She'd spend the day worrying about her lectures or how badly she was doing, or maybe where she would get her next fix from, or how much money she needed until she could buy this or that, and she'd be fine. She lie down in bed, face up to the ceiling, hands throwing behind her head, legs crossed, and she'd start to remember again.

And tonight, her mind decided to revisit one of her favourite haunts…

The one thing she knew she could never escape was that night. The feel of Sian's lips on her own after one too many drinks wasn't sloppy at all, but feverish and forceful. Her hands were gentle, yet somehow when they ripped off Sophie's jacket, they were rough. When she finally fell above her, she felt Sian's hands place gently on her hips, her thumbs hooking into her trousers, tugging slightly.

In the present day, her eyes were already closed, her mind was reeling behind the darkness of her eyelids.

She saw it all again, she felt it too. The burning fingerprints of Sian's hands on her back, her chest, her stomach. The imprint of Sian's lips on her face, her neck, her shoulders. The feel of her fingers suddenly intertwining with her own, the pressing of their foreheads together and her breath colliding with her cheeks…

She tore her eyes open and stared up at the very blank ceiling, and held back a sob. Slowly, she tumbled out of bed and walked to her small bathroom, where a bottle of sleeping pills awaited her. She knew that taking three of those would knock her out flat, send her into an oblivious, dark slumber she would have no chance of breaking free from until late the next morning.

With the ghost of a lingering touch still on her body, with the sound of a whispered 'I love you' from aeons ago ringing in her ears, she popped open the bottle.


End file.
